Whose problem is it?

[Grammabear]

Whose problem is it when I tell a doctor - "I am severely hearing impaired, I need to see your face so I can lip read what you are saying to me."  The Doctor acknowledges that statement and then goes about business as usual by turning his back while he is speaking to me?  I own my hearing impairment by wearing a hearing aid and by telling the person that I can't hear well.  Why is it that so many doctors 'forget' what they were told 5 minutes prior?

[Rhiannon]

Unfortunately, sounds like the doctor will need repeated reminders.  I think sometimes doctors and others can get "tunnel vision" when it comes to doing their job.  They have a routine and are often trying to complete a patient visit within a specific time frame, so they look like they are hearing and comprehending what you just said to them, but in reality they are thinking ahead to the next step they need to accomplish in the visit. 

Maybe bringing a small noisemaker to the next visit would be helpful - every time he turns his back and begins taking, you can shake the noisemaker to get him/her to turn back to face you.    (J/K, sort of)

[Shanny]

I would remind him politely ONE TIME that I had already told him I am hearing impaired (as I am myself, for the record), and if he 'forgot' again, I would - in my best granny grizzly voice - say: 'I have told you the problem and I expect you to honor my request and treat me like the intelligent adult person which I am. You, on the other hand, are NOT (intelligent or adult), since you insist on going through your motions and ignoring your patient. Sit down here and look at me when you speak or I am going to the chief of staff.'

ETA: Sorry for the rant, but I am definitely a Granny Grizzly . . .

[BobIA41]

I would take a clicker (one that is used to train dogs and cats for them to expect a treat) and use it on the doctor.  I had a doctor like this and happened to have a clicker on me as I had come from working with a mobility dog trainer and helping him take two dogs into town for training on the "Good Citizen" training of how to behave in public.  This is a program prescribed by the American Kennel Club and the dogs had to past this test under AKC rules.

The doctor turned away from me and was talking and I reached into my pocket and pulled it out while clicking it once.  He whirled around and asked why I did that in an angry tone.  I explained that I did not have any treats, but when he turned his back on me, the clicker would go off and I would eventually have him trained like I did when training dogs.  He was none too happy and told me he was through and I should not come back.  I thanked him for telling me he was untrainable and ignoring my hearing problem and that I felt this was the best for both of us.

[skb]

Agree with the others. This is shameful behaviour.

I think the White Coat Syndrome works both ways. Some patients feel afraid of the White Coat & it raises their BP. However, most doctors feel the White Coat gives them rights & privileges above normal people, and they do behave highhandedly.

[Shanny]

A drill we can do for ourselves when we're tempted to accept such rude behavior from others is to recognize that these people are not better than we are, and we must not place them on a pedestal. They may have education that we don't have, they may have resources not available to us, they may even be rich and/or famous. But it does not make them better than we are, and if/when they act like they are, then they deserve to be taken down a peg or two or three. So any time a doctor, lawyer, parson, professor, or anyone else treats us like we're less than they are, we need to call up our courage and dig in our heels to call them on the carpet. When we are paying for their services, then they are our employees and if they disrespect us, we need to know who is next up in the food chain and report them.

Thirty-some years ago, I fired my divorce lawyer because instead of fighting for what I expressly stated I wanted from the divorce, he got into a * contest with the other attorney and started going after the usual things other people consider important. I represented myself in all future court appearances, and at one point, the judge had to lecture the ex and his lawyer about reappearing any more times in his courtroom whining about child support. I waived alimony but I insisted on full child support for the child who lived with me. Apparently even judges get tired of this * contests!

[rocky]

thats really sad grammabear. i know that doctors the world over behave with patients very rudely. hope you could whack him with a rolled newspaper. 

[Grammabear]

A drill we can do for ourselves when we're tempted to accept such rude behavior from others is to recognize that these people are not better than we are, and we must not place them on a pedestal. They may have education that we don't have, they may have resources not available to us, they may even be rich and/or famous. But it does not make them better than we are, and if/when they act like they are, then they deserve to be taken down a peg or two or three. So any time a doctor, lawyer, parson, professor, or anyone else treats us like we're less than they are, we need to call up our courage and dig in our heels to call them on the carpet. When we are paying for their services, then they are our employees and if they disrespect us, we need to know who is next up in the food chain and report them.

Thirty-some years ago, I fired my divorce lawyer because instead of fighting for what I expressly stated I wanted from the divorce, he got into a * contest with the other attorney and started going after the usual things other people consider important. I represented myself in all future court appearances, and at one point, the judge had to lecture the ex and his lawyer about reappearing any more times in his courtroom whining about child support. I waived alimony but I insisted on full child support for the child who lived with me. Apparently even judges get tired of this * contests!

I am not disagreeing with any part of what you've said, however at my age it seems to be ingrained into my 'being' that those in authority have the upper hand.  Part of my problem is that I can never think quickly enough when the rudeness is happening to respond promptly.  I always think of something to say after I've left the office and gone home.  At the time of each incident all I feel is discouragement and maybe that is my clue.  I am afraid of doctors, very few over the years that I haven't been afraid of.

So very glad you stood up for yourself in the courtroom.  I watch Judge Judy frequently and Yes, indeed judges do get tired of * contests.

[Timewise]

I too have a hearing problem, it cost me my last job making me retire 3 years earlier than planned.   Although I am an easy going guy I also have learned, over a lifetime in business, to be a good communicator, this includes good listening skills and finding ways to get others to be good listeners.   

When doctors or others do not look at me when they speak, I patiently wait until they look at me, I then remind them of my hearing issues, and ask them, eyeball to eyeball, to repeat what they have said.   That usually works with anyone, most people 'get it' when they have to look you in the eyes.....

The way you move mountains is with gentle pressure, relentlessly applied!

[Shanny]

And I don't disagree with you either, Grammabear, I know so many who immediately look up to people they don't know very well (OWC has this trait). But we also need to remember that while law officers, judges, et.al., actually DO have authority over us, all the common garden variety doctors, preachers & other self-styled big shots do not have any real authority unless we give it to them. I may be something of a control nut, but I never give it to them.

And Timewise makes such a good point . . . I realize that when I'm speaking with people, I also look into their eyes, read their lips, study their faces. I think if people won't meet your gaze, it's a pretty strong indicator that they're lacking something or hiding something.

[starsign]

Yes, while we need doctors, we don't need them to behave this way. Personally, I would be politer and maybe an "Ahem" would work. Just my thoughts.

[Tamagno]

I've had to go through a lot of doctors before finding the good ones - it's not easy! Like any other profession there are certain personalities drawn to it, hence the peculiar and vastly irritating MD-ish arrogance and narcissism.

That said G-bear, I'm given to understand that a great many people just really don't understand hearing impairments - it must be awfully frustrating and annoying for you!

Weirdly enough, at the beginning of my singing career I sang with a deaf baritone - yes, it's quite manageable.

Interestingly, the soprano had one glass eye. I'll never forget the rehearsal at which he stopped and angrily asked which eye was fake so she popped it out and showed it to him.

Well, I use two techniques when dealing with with arrogant MDs, vis, I ask them about themselves and then if they persist I torture them with dry humor until I can get out and find a new doc. At least I have a good time along the way.

[Grammabear]

I've had to go through a lot of doctors before finding the good ones - it's not easy! Like any other profession there are certain personalities drawn to it, hence the peculiar and vastly irritating MD-ish arrogance and narcissism.

That said G-bear, I'm given to understand that a great many people just really don't understand hearing impairments - it must be awfully frustrating and annoying for you!

Weirdly enough, at the beginning of my singing career I sang with a deaf baritone - yes, it's quite manageable.

Interestingly, the soprano had one glass eye. I'll never forget the rehearsal at which he stopped and angrily asked which eye was fake so she popped it out and showed it to him.

Well, I use two techniques when dealing with with arrogant MDs, vis, I ask them about themselves and then if they persist I torture them with dry humor until I can get out and find a new doc. At least I have a good time along the way.

Tamagno ~ You've made some interesting comments.  I would have liked to seen the look on the baritone's face when the soprano popped her eye out and showed it to him.

In the clinic where I go, we are allotted 20 minutes for our office visit.  If the person doing the blood pressure, weight and checking the medicines take 10 minutes to do all of that, we have only 10 minutes left to ask the doctor maybe one or two questions.  Sadly doctors do not get reimbursed very well for 'Medicare' patients and I don't blame them for not wanting to spend much time with us.  I am old enough to remember the days when the doctor actually called patients by their first name. 

As for looking for a good doctor, I don't have that many options in this area unless I want to drive a minimum of two hours.  And you're right, there are not many doctors who do understand a hearing impairment.  I always wonder when I leave the house in the morning whether or not I will be able to hear the receptionist, the nurse and/or the doctor.

[BobIA41]

You may need to forgive me, but I went ballistic when a doctor just stopped and turned to me and said that isn't my problem and I suggest that you get a hearing aid.  I said with the cost of insulin and the other meds you have prescribed, I don't have the funds to get a hearing aid.  He repeated his statement that it isn't his problem.  I admit that I left his office and used some obscene language until I was out of the office.  A nurse called me back saying I needed to st up another appointment and I said never!  She asked why and I said that was for her to find out and I left.

A week later, the nurse called me at home and asked why I would not come back and by then I had cooled down enough to tell her why.  She thanked me and said that was not a good week for many of the patients and over half had said they were not coming back.  A month later, the clinic he worked for dismissed him.  I am just happy he is no longer in the clinic.

[Shanny]

This is exactly why in my first post I suggested that I'd go to the chief of staff if any doc refused to accommodate me & my hearing loss (or any other impairment I might have not directly relevant to what he's treating me for). Jerks like these need to be held accountable, and if they aren't, then more and more people are being denied proper medical care.

Our doc is a geriatrician, and I think that makes a big difference in the treatment we get & why we love our doc so much.